Thursday, October 15, 2009

A New Journey, Writing Included

The sun warms my face as I listen to the soft rustle of autumn leaves and the faraway bark of a dog while I sit on my back porch. I sigh in pleasure at the musty smell of leaves and the brightness of the clear blue sky. This moment of peace and tranquility is something new for me. My world has been the scream of an electric guitar playing the same lick over and over as I stifle the urge to knock on my son’s door one more time and ask him to please find some headphones. Or the mindless entertainment of the latest reality TV show that my daughter has on. But for now, all I hear are the sounds of my Creator’s music. This is a good thing, I tell myself.

I am adjusting to a new season in my life. This isn’t something that I can try on like a new pair of pants at the store and discard if I don’t like them. This season is here to stay. I’ve passed the “raising my children” season and am on to the “empty nest” season of life. No more running after a toddler to wipe his runny nose or waking up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying child. No more cleaning out the Big Wheel that someone decided to use as a toilet since he couldn’t be bothered to stop playing and make it to the bathroom. No more listening to a teen complain about the social injustices of high school or even youth group. This is a good thing, I tell myself.

I know that many women might think that I am crazy to not embrace this new season with abandon. Isn’t it the goal of every parent to have finished this stage of the race? I never thought I would feel like I was 18 again struggling with what to do with the rest of my life. I had already answered that question and now I am faced with it once more. Is this a good thing, I wonder? Now I can act on my interests and desires like writing and speaking. Things that have been carefully stuffed in the back of the closet like clothes that don’t fit anymore but are kept because we just know that someday we’ll be able to pull them out again.

So now it is someday. I will dust off my dreams and sit on the porch to spend time reading the Word and hearing from the One who made me and knows the desires of my heart. I will take joy and pleasure in seeking Him as I start this new season that is the next step on life’s journey. And while I grieve for what once was, I look forward to experiencing all that He is setting before me. Obedience will bring fresh awareness of His long-term plan. This is a good thing, I know.